Let me start from the beginning.
I’m a single mother. But I’ve always disliked this designation, so one day I simply decided to become a Supermom. Because single moms are moms with many arms who somehow manage to do everything on their own.
And because it sounds better and more powerful than the ordinary “single mother”.
I became a Supermom by chance. If I’d had a choice six years ago, I’m not sure I would have preferred to raise my daughter with a partner.
No, it’s not sour grapes. For six years now I have been acting like Shiva (Hindu deity with eight arms), and the fact is that I have already grown accustomed to that kind of parenting. I make all the decisions alone and I am the only one responsible. I don’t have to ask for anyone’s permission or help. And although I do need help, by all means, I can’t always count on it. This is why I always make plans like I can only rely on myself, which is true most of the time.
Has it been easy? Not in the least. I’ve felt abandoned and helpless. I’ve been hurt.
Anyone would feel hurt after coming to terms with the fact that the truth is a bit different from what one used to believe in.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s been through these.
But I always pretended I was fine. I used to hide my fear, helplessness and loneliness from others. I used to hide behind being constantly busy; I walked with my head high, and tried to act like everything was under control.
I used to cry at night, when my child was asleep and couldn’t hear me.
Nobody was allowed to see me with puffy eyes, so I hid behind the makeup and the image of a “powerful, independent woman”.
I analyzed my life, my actions, my mistakes a million times.
I started doubting my sanity and my own value.
There was a time when I asked myself if I’d made the right choice and if my life could have been different, better, more fulfilled.
All of us have been in that dark place surely. Our value was assessed by others and we acted the way we thought we had to in order to be accepted.
The fact is that single mothers are not always accepted and fully appreciated everywhere. Our society always expects a woman with a child to be accompanied by her husband or the child’s father. Faced with these expectations, many single mothers spend years criticizing themselves and trying to block the thoughts that make them uneasy.
I was like that.
But the truth is:
There are no guarantees that everything would be easy, pleasant or even normal.
Things might turn out crazy, sad, unbelievable, dull, fabulous.
Our life is in our hands and we make the decisions. Nobody has the right to judge our lives, mistakes, happiness or misfortune.
We are worth what we believe we’re worth.
And we will live the way we see fit. With our head down or chin up.
Each one of us is an exquisite person.
What we think really matters because we raise little persons and guide them through life.
And we deserve all the best, the kind of respect and attention nobody has the right to deny us.