How I decided to face my fears

August 11, 2017
fears

 

It felt like I’d been driving for days. As I clutched on the wheel with my sweaty hands, my left wrist began to hurt. The distance to our destination gradually decreased, although each mile was an agony, and it was already getting dark. Another 80, 75…

 If you think it was my ingenious idea to start a blog dedicated to single mothers and their kids, you’re wrong. Everything has been written before. In my ever so scarce free time, I’d searched the Internet for websites and stories that could help answer my questions – because everything is now so conveniently available and public. Some websites were interesting, some educational, and some featured posts by really witty people.

I spent most time browsing through motivational websites. I guess that’s what I needed most at the time: a motivational guru to lift my spirits, to help me get back on my feet whenever I started giving in to everyday’s worries and stresses.

Ladies seem to dominate the motivational market. In 500 to 700 words, they’ll tell you you’re wonderful and the burden you’re carrying so bravely is something to be proud of. They’ll convince you that it’s perfectly all right to feel miserable, exhausted and disappointed because you barely cope and make ends meet, that it doesn’t affect your kids at all because they don’t care about those things anyway and your love is all that matters to them, whereas they hardly ever notice your crankiness and grudging criticism.

However desperate I felt from time to time because of the slings and arrows of a single mom’s fortune, I wasn’t prepared for the motivational mottos. Still, some of those positive statements lingered in my mind as a philosophy of life I can understand and accept.

In short: nothing is ever easy for a single mom – at least, in my experience. Most of us were raised in traditional families, with a mom, a dad, and siblings. Totally unprepared, all of a sudden we are part of families which are now almost typical for the 21st century, composed of a mom and a child. And that’s it. Nobody else can really understand what it’s like. It’s hard, it’s tough. During the sleepless nights, we try to come up with the optimum solutions to our many problems. We are overworked, sometimes juggling multiple jobs, because there’s never enough money. We are committed to our children. We rarely find time for ourselves. Everything seems scary and we start fearing situations that may seem like a joke to others.

That’s right, I’m afraid

I’m afraid I won’t be able to teach my daughter real values.
I’m afraid she’ll be hurt in life and I won’t be there to protect her.
I’m afraid I won’t be able to help her through school, as she grows up.
I’m afraid I won’t have enough money.

Motivators teach us it’s ok to be afraid as long as we make an effort to face our fears. We will feel much better after we have tried and overcome certain problems, however huge and menacing they might seem at first.

Since this philosophy sounded reasonable and applicable, I decided to face my fears to improve our lives.  

We all fear something, but what we fear most is to admit to ourselves and others what it is that scares us so

Earlier, I wouldn’t dare drive my daughter to the seaside on my own. Although I’m an experienced driver, I’d never driven for so long in a single day. It might seem funny to you that the fear kept me awake for many nights before the journey. Believe it or not, I almost called it off.

And yet, I didn’t. So, six days ago, I was sitting behind the wheel, still some 80 miles away from our destination. It was getting dark and I started sweating and gripping the wheel harder. Every now and then I would make hopeful glances at the navigation device half expecting it to accelerate the mile count and show our destination, finally at hand.

We’re all afraid of something, and I’m no exception. I talk about my fears very reluctantly because I’m used to showing a brave face to the world, pretending to be an independent, strong woman who can deal with anything.  

I may be tempted to write a motivational post when I feel ready to share what I’ve learnt with others.  

Until then, I’ll admit I get scared a lot, but at least I’ve realized that fears are something that should be discussed and fought back. I’ve dealt with one and – triumphed.

There are all sorts of fears

Some fears are senseless, based on ideas and assumptions that exist only in our minds.

Some were successfully installed by our parents.

Many have simply become a part of who we are.

Some people are afraid of bugs, some of being alone. It’s all fine, but it’s up to us to work on ourselves and overcome some situations, set ourselves free and ensure a happier existence to our children.  

 

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