Monthly Archives

June 2016

Truths of life or white lies

June 19, 2016

A while ago, I took my daughter to the dentist for the first time. To make sure that this first visit doesn’t leave a trauma, I chose the simpler of the two possible methods: resorting to bribery. As expected, my family and friends were appalled at my choice. Most of them believe that the children should be carefully explained why something must be done rather than bribing them. They’re probably right, I won’t argue with that, but bribery was easier and I was convinced that it would do the trick.

Should the kids always be told the truth? Absolutely. And now please focus and think hard if you really always abide by this holy rule or maybe not every time? Here are a few examples from life, and I’m sure that there are no parents, single or not, who have never told their children rubbish or white lies because that was the best they could come up with at the time.

–          Mum, why can’t we go to the playground? (because I’m knackered and I just want to lie down)

Because it’ll be dark soon, honey. Besides, it’s been raining and everything’s wet.

–          Mum, why can’t we go to dad’s? (because he hasn’t planned to see you today)

Honey, dad is very busy. He’s at work now, not at home.

–          Mum, will you buy me the golden fish toys that make bubbles in the aquarium?

Sure, you’ll get them for your birthday (in half a year, she’ll forget what she’s been asking for)

What would you have done? Ok, so maybe the purest educational principles would demand that the children should be told if they could get a toy or not, and why. As for seeing her dad, the shrinks insist that clear rules should be set and the situation defined. No explanations required. Simply, today you can see your dad, and tomorrow you can’t. Period. However, I’m positive that every single mother has had to face the situation when her child asked to see the father outside the agreed terms. And every one of them surely said what she had to say to avoid seeing tears well in her child’s eyes.

Should the child always be told the truth or is the truth sometimes somewhere in the middle, and it’s better to wait until the children grow a little before we face them with the life’s harsh realities? To be honest, I don’t know. But I promise to share it with you once I think of the failsafe solution to this dilemma.

Why does my child sleep in my bed?

June 9, 2016

Here’s something I’m a bit concerned about, although many people say that I shouldn’t worry too much or rush towards the inevitable: the day when our kids start preferring the solitude of their rooms to our company and banning us from their private little worlds.

Our flat is quite spacious and my beloved daughter has her own beautifully and expensively decorated room, where she can find whatever her young heart desires. I spared no money or effort to equip it even before she was born. I bought all the toys I liked and she received many gifts. The common wisdom that the baby should be separated from the mother during the night as soon as possible, so that both of us can have a good night’s sleep and she can get used to being on our own from early days, didn’t really agree with me. I couldn’t imagine getting up several times during the night and walking to another part of the flat to feed or change her. In the beginning, she slept in her cradle right next to my bed – until her first fever. That was three years ago. Since then, she’s slept in my bed and she wouldn’t hear any arguments against it. Her lovely room filled with books and toys is now merely a playroom. She spends a lot of time there, loves to spread the toys around and graciously allows me to pick them up and put them back in their place.
Am I wrong? Probably. The children of many of my friends have never slept in the same room as their parents. My friends say that those little walks by night are not a problem. I find it hard to believe, because I used to catch a cold only by getting up to cover my daughter who slept next to my bed. More spontaneous and less formal of my friends rightly insist on developing closeness and intimacy, and keep telling themselves that sharing the bed will stop as soon as the first pyjama party is thrown for the kids from the kindergarten or school.

So I decided to team with this second school of thought. Because it’s easier, and I’d feel sad if I stopped hearing her little voice in the night whispering softly: “Mum, put the blanket back on me”.

In other words, it’s status quo now, until she grows up and leaves my bed, and then my room, to move into her own realm. Hopefully, by that time she’ll learn to clean after herself too…