Monthly Archives

April 2016

Let it go, let it goooo

April 28, 2016

I’m a single mother who finally got what she had always wanted after years of trying:  a child. I’m raising my kid alone, although that wasn’t my original idea. I didn’t expect that to happen and, quite honestly, had I known that that’s how it would be, I’m not sure I would have decided to have a child at all.

I’m a very disciplined person and I’m convinced that the life is simpler if you abide by a few basic rules. I’m very strict when it comes to my daughter’s diet. I’m also strict about when and how long she should sleep a day. Maybe sometimes I insist too much. But there is one thing I’ve never been strict about: the toys. And believe me, it’s not good at all.

I admit that I’ve bought my daughter all I could come by, all that was offered or that I knew existed, but had to look for it. I’ve bought all kinds of baby stuff, felt toys, teething rings, rattles, music boxes. In her earliest days, my princess got an entire collection of Peppa the Pig toys. Maya the Bee. Barbies. Barbie’s two-story house with two lifts. Social games some of which remain unwrapped. Battery-operated toys that make interesting noises of all sorts. Picture books, colouring books, felt tip pens, water colours… My friends joked about coming for visits so that they can cure some of the childhood complexes. My daughter has her own room filled with toys and children’s books… in which she spends only a little time, between returning from the kindergarten and the dinner.

I absolutely outdid myself when I bought a mike with the karaoke equipment. Now, that was a fatal mistake! Can you imagine three 4 to 5-year-old girls singing together their favourite song from the Frozen at the top of their voices? I could take it for no more than fifteen minutes, after which I grabbed the mike and told them that the batteries were dead.

Dear single parents and all others, think well: don’t just rush to buy your kid everything that comes to mind or everything you wanted to have, but couldn’t have it when you were little. The wistful look in your child’s eye is difficult to resist and the joy over a new toy is priceless. We would do just about anything to make them happy, but we should try to be more prudent. Just think of how much rubbish is offered in toy stores and on TV. The next time you feel tempted, remember me and the karaoke mike…

A single mom must not become a victim of her life’s circumstances

April 15, 2016

After several years of struggling to find my balance – both physical and mental – I’ve come to realize that my well-meaning friends were right. A single mom is also entitled to her private life. And this doesn’t refer only to finding a new partner, although that would be a welcome change, too. What I mean is that a single parent should occasionally be around the people who talk about all subjects, not just those that are kid-related.

At first, I found it hard to be away from my daughter as I was firmly convinced that nobody but me could satisfy her needs. I dragged her everywhere with me, to the shops, to the greenmarket, to the doctor’s, even to meet my friends. And we always ended up talking only about diapers and children’s clothing. Until one day I realized that I’d become dull and boring. I felt I was suffocating and, at the same time, I felt guilty for being a bad person and mother because I wished to escape from my own kid and break away from my routine at least for a while. And it was only the beginning of our life together…

It’s very important for a mother, single or not, to have more interests, not just those that are related to the child. A happy and fulfilled mother will raise a happy and fulfilled child. And if the mother is to be happy, she must make some resolutions and stick to them.

Resolution # 1: be around positive people. You have enough problems of your own and you don’t need to get involved in other people’s problems.

Resolution # 2: change the TV channel from time to time: you don’t have to watch cartoons all day (this I still haven’t managed to do).

Resolution # 3: laugh out loud at least once during the day.

Resolution # 4: socialize, socialize, socialize.

Resolution # 5: go out. Not only for a cup of coffee with your friends and their kids. Go out to dinner, to the movies, to a concert. Spend a few hours a week in a different environment. Dress up and don’t look at your watch every two minutes.

Broaden your horizons. This won’t steal your attention or motherly love from your child. On the contrary: a refreshed and cheerful mother will be better suited to meet her child’s needs and development requirements than a frustrated, unsatisfied woman.