…finally pregnant after years of trying to do get pregnant both naturally and at various clinics for assisted fertilisation, having shed gallons of tears and hoped against hope. We agreed to make one final attempt to freeze the embryos. What finally happened was what no one expected: the last one of the 9 frozen eggs, the one the doctors officially tagged as the „worst quality“ embryo, somehow managed to pull through. Until then, I never believed in crazy stories that defied logic and medical odds. However, my child and I are the living proofs that in life everything is possible, whether you expect it or not. I didn’t expect anything, anymore.
Meanwhile, of course, our world continued to spin out of my control. My partner and I separated. He fell in love with another woman, and decided to pursue happiness and and family life elsewhere. And so, I became a single mother even before my baby was born. My daughter never lived in what’s normally regarded as a nuclear family. She sees her father often and I believe he loves her, but she has no notion of a traditional family life and has no idea that it’s possible to live with both parents. For her, what’s normal is to live with her mother and her grandmother and to go to another house to visit her dad. It’s normal for her to spend time with him only occasionally. She enjoys every moment of those visits and I do my best to repeat what the experts in child psychology (and I’ve consulted several) told me I should say: mom and dad are not husband and wife. They love each other, but they simply decided not to live together, and that’s for the best… And then a fake smile, just grin and bear it as best as you can!
This is a question asked by many women who didn’t manage or didn’t want to get pregnant or have children in their youth for any reason at all. Naturally, it is much easier to conceive when you’re young. I, for one, wasn’t very interested in having kids in my 20s. I wanted to live to the fullest and thought I had plenty of time to have children once the rest of the puzzles in my life fall into place. Meanwhile, my friends were starting their families and I bought presents for baby showers without even contemplating the possibility of following suit. Until one day…
An unplanned pregnancy stirred my dormant motherly instinct. But that child was not meant to be born, the future father got cold feet and just wasn’t ready. I, on the other hand, didn’t want to burden him and impose a family on him when he was unwilling, it just wasn’t right. We agreed to wait for a while longer, which turned into several years. We were both in our prime (late 30s) and had absolutely no notion of what lay ahead and what the future had on a plate for us…
A few years and many attempts later, I simply couldn’t get pregnant spontaneously and so we started our tortuous journey through the maze of in vitro fertilisation. Neither of us knew the first thing about the IVF.
Now, I could write a book about it. Instead, since I am deeply convinced that everybody is entitled to their own decisions and path in life, and I also know that people are very different, which is great, I’ve decided to share some of my thoughts and experiences on this blog.
If natural, pregnancy is just a serendipitous event. Whereas when you go through the IVF, the positive outcome ultimately depends on two factors: your doctor’s skill and experience, and your body, its shape and capacity. And, finally, luck always has a prominent role to play.
Hello, my name is VS, and I’m a single mom. This fact alone is of no particular interesting in itself, as I’m far from being the only single mom in the world. In my case, however, my becoming a single mom was the result of special circumstances. This is the story that all my friends believe should be told and published. I may do that one day. Until then, I’ve decided to post and share some of my thoughts with other single parents or with those who contemplate the idea of raising children on their own. My path to having a child was long and beset with difficulties. Getting pregnant was a small miracle and it took considerable effort to carry the pregnancy until the term. I have raised my child, now a 4-year old, alone. It was all but a traumatic experience at times. Quite frankly, I was afraid. I’m still afraid of many things, but I’ve grown stronger. My child is healthy, cheerful, charming. She still hasn’t asked me how come we don’t live with her dad, but I expect her to do that soon. I’ve been told that a confident single mom should reply: your dad and I are friends and we agreed that we shouldn’t live together. When the moment comes, I hope to be able to give her a clear, simple answer like that, with a smile on my face.
Yesterday, my 4-year old daughter asked me: mom, what’s a wedding? I started fumbling for words, looking for a logical answer that would somehow place us in the category of normal families which have simply skipped a wedding. Thankfully, she replied instead of me: but mom, that is when the prince and the princess get married! A sigh of relief: I was out of the woods for the time being. I’m sure that the next awkward question is just around the corner though.